Poems of a Emo
by Lost in anthor world14
Summary: max is a lost soul with an obsession of self harming and no real friends, but when a cretin poem is read out loud fang, a popular jerk, suddenly wounts to know all about max and her life. but the question remains; will max let him in or will she push him away like shes done to every one all her life?. i had to end this story where it is for personal reasons. :((
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1; poem of a cutter.

My whole life I've been an outcast, a weird-o, a freak, a misunderstood shy girl with no real friends or goals in life. My family thinks I'm mentally ill and most of the time they don't even acknowledge my presence, the few times they do is when there making fun of me or yelling at me for something small that I didn't do. My mom likes to punish me in ways a bit more harsher then my siblings such as; when they get a slap in the mouth for saying something they shouldn't have I get a slap in the mouth and a slap on every spot my skin shows.

At school I'm literally invisible, my teachers don't even know my name and when I get called out the whole class will look in wonder because they have no idea who I am. I get run over in the halls and when I yell at the person to watch it they act as if I never even said anything.

I only have one friend, Nudge, and scene were not in any of the same classes and never talk outside of school other than texting sometimes I fell as if she doesn't even remember who I am. My theory can be proven by the way I'll walk up to her, say something and her not even turn around at the sound of my voice. A lot of times I can't tell if she's ignoring me or if she doesn't remember me.

Over the past few months I've started to be known around my classes as "emo girl" because about a year ago I fell into a deep depression that left me filling nothing but sadness and filled my head with a lot of suicidal thoughts. And yes, despite how much I deny it, I do cut myself and when I say cut myself I don't mean a few slices here and there I mean it has become a very bad habit of mine. I do it a lot!

There has been a few times when I've tried to kill myself threw the power of cutting but luckily I've only been hospitalized once. I hit a vain in my left wrist and passed out from blood loss on my bed. When I woke up I was in a blinding white room with an IV for both medication and blood, the only person there was my uncle, Jeff, who found me while he came over to get something that my mom had left for him.

He promised not to tell anyone because he knew how bad it would hurt me if anyone found out. He told my parents that I had slipped and cut my "hand" on a piece of broken metal in the back yard near the shed. They believed him and a month ago he passed away from a freak heart-attack taking my decret with him.

My name is Max by the way -Max Ride-and I'm fifteen, I spend most of my days reading books and writing poetry. If you take away the "emo" part of me then I'm pretty much just a negative, shy girl who's pretty lost in the word.

-MR-

I look up from my history book and into the eyes of an angry Joseph Peterson his blue orbs stare down at me with aggravated rage.

I raise one of my pierced eyebrows and offer a small smile. This results in him sighing hugely and shaking his head slowly.

"You've been in this room for almost an hour and you have yet to do anything! May I remind you that finials are in a week Ms. Ride and by the look of your grades you can't afford to lack around and not do anything! Today's work is worth 45% of you final grade so I suggest you do it!" his voice got no louder than a high whisper but from the way his voice peaked at siren points made me realize that he wasn't joking.

I sighed softly and nodded my head. He was right, finals were in a week and even if I aced the test I'll be lucky to pass with a solid D.

I used to be a straight A student always on honor roll and being a good little nerd. But ever since that first wave of depression hit my grades have slipped and so has my attitude. I changed from being a good little quiet nerd to a girl with a bad attitude, horrible grades and the slight obsession of cutting.

I run my fingers threw my dirty blond hair and begin to copy the twenty-five vocabulary words on the board. The whole time I can fill Mr. P's eyes boring into the side of my head.

When the bell rings half an hour later almost all of my work is done and I rush of relief floods threw my body.

"I finished most of it," I say to Mr. Peterson as I hand in my work.

He gives me a weird look before nodding his head and dismissing me with the wave of his hand. As I leave the room I don't miss the way he scribbles something down on a sticky note and attaches it to my work.

At least I tried! I scream in my head.

The trip to my next class goes down like a bunny trying to make it threw a pack of hyper cheetahs. To say the least I got trappeled.

By the time I get to English the class has already started reading the poems we were supposed to write for a pre-final. The inter class stares at me with my ripped skinny jeans, My Darkest Days t-shirt, pierced lip and eyebrows, all the way to my beat-up Converses.

I keep my head down as I walk to my seat in the very back of the room.

English happens to be the one class I really like because 90% of the time we mostly just write and read stories. Plus on days like today when it's time to read something out loud that we had to write ourselves I like to sit back and silently mock the kids who can't write for shit.

Now I know you must be thinking how I save myself from speaking out loud to the entry class. Well the answers simple; I blend into the shadows until class is over and hand in my paper with the rest of the kids who didn't get a chance to read out loud that day.

It's the middle of January and so far this school year we've had eight writings that we were supposed to present to the class and I haven't had to speak a one of them yet.

I turn my attention to the guy reading his poem. Jason Oliver aka "Fang". Looking at the kid you'd think that he's as "emo" as me; with his jet black hair, coal eyes, olive skin and clothing that only consist only of the colors black, grey, and red. But nope! Despite his mysterious bad boy image this guy is quite the people person. Honestly I can't see how, he almost never talks and when he does its sarcastic and senseless. And to tell the truth he's actually a humongous jackass.

"The stones turn black with ever bad mistake, and I don't know how to get there bright color back. I'm afraid that if I try to hard then they'll crumble in my hands like ash…" what I heard was only the very end so it didn't make any since to me but still I gave him a little credit because it sounded like it had some type of meaning to it.

The whole class clapped for him, he handed in his paper and took his set in the back a few rows over from me.

The room was silent as Mr. Kimberling clapped his hands together and scanned the crowd of students. His eyes fell on me for a few seconds longer than anyone else and an evil look crossed his hairy face.

"You," he said pointing at me, "you were late to class so you can read second!"

No! No, No, No!

I fill my heart speed up in my chest and suddenly I felt as if I had swallowed a bag of cotton balls.

As I grabbed a random poem from my book bag I could fell the sweat fill my open palms.

I walk to the front of the room filling every pair of eyes as they stare into my body.

I unfold the paper in my hand and fill my heart catch in my throat; the title says "My Obsession" on the front. This is probably my most personal poem I have.

"Um…can I go get a different paper?" I whisper ask the teacher.

He takes it from my hands and reads it over quickly, "No this is a beautiful poem. Read it. Now!"

I look over all the faces in front of me and I know what there think; who is this? What's she doing up there? That's the emo girl! Etc.

I take deep breath and in a shaky voice begin to read;

"Roses are red violets are blue, I don't understand the things I do. My mind tells me one thing my heart anther, if only I could stop the cutting.

Roses are red violets are blue my pain is not for you,

Under the pillow and beneath the sheets is a secreat meant to be hidden, away from the clouds, away from the wind, away from the eyes that bore into my skin.

I don't know what to do; I don't know what to say, does that mean I've lost all hope?

Roses are red violets are blue, so is the vain that I cut into, just like the petals on a rose my skin is fragile, smooth, soft and easy to shred…

It's become a drug to me like heroin or meth, SO easy to become attached to and even harder to rid of.

All around me people laugh, smile, and enjoy the world they have, while I sit and stare- not At them but at the clear, clean air. Looking for something to keep me going I geuss.

I don't always fill this way but when I do it hits me hard!

Like a great tsunami splashing down on a small village with as much force as a 9,000 ton hand, over and over and over again until finally there is nothing left but rubble and broken dreams of hope.

Roses are red violets are blue I am breaking into two. One side of me says to not, to prove to all those who thought nothing of me that I am something.

To think of all the scars that I'll have to cover up with bracelets, long selves and makeup. To remember what will happen if I slip up and let the long deep scares show or cut to deep; rage, sadness filled tears and confusion, death.

The other side says yes go ahead. Think of all the anger you'll be letting go. Think of all the wonderful bright warm blood that you'll see. Think of how its letting you fill something that no one else can…

Roses are red violets are blue I don't know which side to choose..." when I finish my voice is shacking and I fill like hiding in a deep dark whole.

The room is silent for the longest time and just when I think they're going to start booing and throwing stuff at me the whole entire class brakes out in to a loud round of applause.

Leaving both mortified and confused, as I stand there filling like throwing up.

A/N; hey guys. This story is based on my life only I little sadder. Like max I do cut myself and her filling will be very close if not the same as mine threw out the story.

The poem max read is an Emily original that I wrote a few days ago…read and review!

XXEmilyXX


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: what have I done?

I stare at the faces of my clapping class mates in horror. Yes, I know there clapping for a good reason but the realization of what I just said has made me fill unbelievably sick to my stomach.

"Well done Ms.…Ride, an extremely moving piece of poetry!" Mr. Kimberling said with a loud clap of his hands and a dramatic sigh.

"Um…I….uh….t-thank y-you," I stumble out trying to catch my breath.

The sound of my pulse beating in my ears covers the slight sound of clapping, my body is consumed by heat and suddenly I fill dizzy. I stare down at the paper in my hand the words going blurry, crumbling as my hand clinches into a fist.

I take a step towards my desk and instantly regret it. Bile raises in my throat and I bee-line for the open door. In less than ten seconds I'm outside throwing up everything in my stomach.

After throwing up; I stand up only to slide right back down the wall holding my stomach as I gasp trying to catch my breath while holding back tears.

Oh my god! What did I do? Everyone knows my secreat and what I can't help but do! Why didn't I just take a zero and move on?! STUPID! STUPID, STUPID!

I close my eyes and a few tears tread down my cheeks. I bang my head against the cement wall a couple times.

"Are you okay?" a deep voice asks.

I look up to see Jason Oliver crouched down next to me.

I whip my nose with the back of my hand, look away and stare blankly at the boys track team running around the football field.

Why is_ he_ here? Doesn't he have something better to do then worry about little old me? Surely he didn't come out here on choice; Kimberling probably picked him to come get me. Yah, that's more than likely it.

"Max?"

My head snaps up, "how the hell do you know my name?'" I ask bitterly.

He smiles making want to punch him in the nose.

"We've gone to school together since kindergarten, Max." he says in a "duh" voice.

All emotion slips from my face and my mouth hangs open for a fraction of a second. There's no way that's possible! I'm pretty sure I would remember seeing him before August. Then again my memory isn't the best thing out there…

"Why are you here?" I ask.

"Kimberling wants you back in class," he reply's simply.

Did I call that or what?

I nod my head and stare at the grass. Nerves clinch in my stomach because the fear of having to walk back into that room is far too overwhelming.

"Are you coming or are you just going to sit there?" Jason asks me at the door.

I glare up at him, "are you going to shut up or am I ganna have to break your teeth?"

Jason lets out a sigh, "I'm trying to be nice to you and in return you're being a bitch?" his voice has a slight edge to it.

I jump to my feet my hands balled into fist, "you call that _nice_? You didn't come out here because you _care_! You came to get me to come back to _class_! And _bitch_? Boy you ani't seen bitch! _Bitter_ is the word for it. Cause I can show you a bitch if that's what you want!" I scream at him with white hot anger pumping threw me.

"And all this time I thought you were just some emo chick loner with a wanna be so called best friend" he spits at me.

I'm not going to lie, that hurt me because it was all 100% true and someone else saying it just made me realize how true it really was.

I real back fire burning in my eyes and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Screw you Jason. Have a nice life," I say as I brush past him on my way inside.

I walk back to English and grab my stuff.

"Where do you think you're going?" ask Mr. Kimberling.

I turn around my hand on the door handle, "away from here."

I take off running down the hall depression filled adrenalin keeps me going as I run out of the school hall, off campus, and through the woods until I clasps' into a pile of leaves at the base of some tree.

I sit there gasping as tears run down my face.

_He's right_, I think, _I am just some emo loner chick with a best friend who doesn't even remember me half the time. I am nothing! My whole life I've been told that. USLESS!_

I look up and without thinking climb the tree closest to me once I'm about thirty feet of the ground I stop climbing and sink back into the leafless limps.

_How could you have been so stupid? Reading that stupid poem was one thing but running out of class? Honestly Max! Then stupid Jason and his 'your being a bitch' crap! Stupid people and there shit! Just…stupid!_

I reach into my pocket and pull out a heart shaped eye-liner sharpener, I lift the lid and with a shaky hand pull out one of the five razor blades jammed neatly into the heart.

I lift it up to the sun light and toy with the sharp tip for a moment, it slices the tip of my finger and I watch with interest as the cold blood pools then slides down my finger. I whip it on my jeans and suck on the finger. The bleeding stops almost completely.

More tears slide down my face and I bring the blade down on to my left wrist right over the spot where I almost killed my self not so long ago.

In one swift movement I drag the razor across my wrist and the pain is immediate. I lean my head back against the truck of tree as I let out a relaxing hiss of pain while blindly making several more cuts.

I open my eyes and watch the blood as it slides down the sides of my arm and onto the dark fabric covering my legs. I smile through the tears only resulting in more to flow.

Sometimes I wonder if I have gone insane because only an ill person smiles at the sight of their own blood.

A tear slides down my nose and almost in slow motion plops down into the pool of blood; instantly turning red and blending in to the dripping blood.

I sigh and turn my head to look at the sky. Gray. Beautiful really, this may be odd but to me a gray sky is much more breath taking then a perfect sunny blue one. I don't know why but it's been that way for as long as I can remember.

I stay in the tree for the rest of day. Cutting and thinking mostly, some point during the day I start to climb the tree until I've reached the very top and spent about ten minutes debating rather or not to jump the seventy feet to the ground.

I don't know what time it was but at sunset I got several angry texts from my mom asking where I was and to get home now!

It took everything in me but somehow I mustered up the strength and got down from my tree and lingered home.

Somehow I made it home without getting lost in the woods or getting eaten by some rabid animal and right now I'm standing by the mail box as I rap up my bleeding wrist with the gaze I keep in hand for obvious reasons.

After doing that I pull on my jacket and walk inside just as dark has settled over the world.

The scent of juicy roast and mashed potatoes hits me as I slide off my shoes causing my stomach to growl loudly. I winch at the sound and silently make my way up the stairs.

"Max?" my mom calls at the foot of the stairs sounding very angry.

_Crap!_

With a great sigh I turn around to face the root of my problems.

"What?" my voice come out sounding way bitterer then I intended it to and I instantly know that I'm in trouble for it.

"What me again Max," she warns.

I roll my eyes. _Can I go now and save the yelling for later?_

"Where have you been and don't say school because I got a call saying that you ran out of class and didn't come back all day. So you better tell me _right_ now." Mom crosses her arms and stares at me with burning rage in her eyes.

My nostrils flare and my eyes automatically fall in to a glare, "why does it matter?" I spat.

"It matters because I need to know where you were because it wasn't at the place I thought you were."

"Out,"

"Where out. At that girl, what's her name…Nudges House?" she questions.

I fill something in my snap and my cheeks turn red with rage.

"No! Nudge and I aren't even friends anymore! If you must know, I was out in the woods. What was I doing? None of your freaking business, that's what!" I screech filling like crying while yelling my lungs out.

"Maximum Alexandra Ride you will not talk to me like that." She beefs.

I take in a breath my glare falling harder and with as much venom I can master up say; "I just did."

With that I turn and run up the rest of the stairs slam my door shut and lock it.

I sink down on to my bed, hug my knees to my chest and cry hot tears of anger.

**A/N there you have it chapter 2!** **I'm feeling good about this story… read and review!**

**XXEmilyXX**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3; unwelcome visit.

I cry and cry and cry.

After a few minutes silent screams hurt my head so I crank the radio as high as it will go and scream. I scream for everything in me. I scream out of anger, pain, and lost hope. I scream until my throat is raw and my chest hurts.

I take in a few deep breaths before punching the wall over and over again when I pull my hands back my knuckles are bleeding and are purple.

I slide down the wall knuckles throbbing and try to regain myself.

_Breath,_ I order myself, _calm down Max, don't lose it! Over something small!_

I breathe and focus on the song playing on the radio, Numb by Linking Park.

Rocking my head back and forth I sing the words softly to myself;

_Tired of being what you want me to be,_

_Filling so helpless, lost under the surface,_

_Don't know what you're expecting of me,_

_Put under the presser of walking in your shoes,_

_Every step that I take is anther mistake to you,_

_I've become so numb cant fell you there,_

_I've so tired, so much more awake,_

_I've becoming this all want to do is me more like me and less like you. _

There's a knock on my door.

"Come eat," my younger brother, Gazzy, calls to me.

"I'm good," I crock out.

I hear him walk away and I stand up to open my window. Cool winter air hits me in the face; I take huge lugs full then stick my legs out on to the ledge. I climb out of the window and pull myself up to the roof.

The ruff shingling digs in to my skin as I climb the steep roof. Once on the top I stand up with my hands out to my sides for balance.

I look out at the Rocky Mountains surrounding everything as far as I can see. The tips of them are white with snow, making the grayer rock below look far darker.

Closing my eyes I stand on my tippy toes and imagine what it would be like to have wings and fly off the roof. I imagine flying high in the air and with one last look speeding off away from my home. Ducking and diving through the clouds, seeing the world from a point of view that no other human has had the joy of seeing without some type of machine.

The wind sends my hair flying back behind me. I smile softly to myself as I enjoy the filling of total calm.

"MAX!" I let out a groan. Is peace something nonexistence in my life?

"Max where are you?" are they in my room? Did I not lock the door?

"Give me a minuet," I call out.

I put down my heels and go to squat down. I fill my foot slip on the roof-gravel and down I go.

I slid down the roof very fast on my butt, at the last second I reach out and grab the gutter. The metal digs into my hands and I desperately want to let go but falling two stories to the ground isn't on my list at the moment.

Blindly I move my legs around trying to find the edge of my window. After a minuet of no success I start to panic, I fill my hands start to slip so I quickly look down only to have my boobs block my view of anything.

_Great just great! _

I try again to find my window, my foot hits something and a glint of hope fills me.

I stick my foot into the opening soon followed by the other and back bend my way into my window. I fall to the floor with a painful _thud_!

I sit on the floor breathing heavily and quickly look at my Hands. No damage other than a thin cut going across my palms, so that's good.

I look up and literally jump a foot into the air.

I stare at my older sister, Ella, with annoyance.

"Can I help you?" I ask bitterly as I stand up to whip off my hands.

Ella flips her dark brown hair over her shoulder and with a long ugly finger unclumps a part of her fake eye lashes, "there's some _extremely_ hot guy outside that needs to talk to you or something. Which I don't know why because your well- just look in the mirror and he's like-"she paused for a moment, "totally and extremely _hot_!"

"Don't you have a boyfriend?" I growl.

She pressed a laugh, "please Jacob is so ugly and pathetic! I just didn't realize until-"she stopped mid-sentence looking for the right words.

"Until you got in his pants and saw something better walk through the door?" I question bitterly as I walk passed her out of my room.

Ella maybe older but that doesn't mean that she's smarter. And I mean that in as many means ways as possible. To say the basics; she's 17 years old and can't do a simple two step equation, she thinks that purple rims with orange (no I am not kidding one bit) and instead of having one boyfriend for a long period of time she has one, dates him for a week, sleeps with him and then within three days has another guy to whore around with.

Not the best role model. Oh and add her bitchy I'm better then all you slaves attitude and well… you got yourself what I like to call; a girl that even the devil himself would like to send to hell.

I walk down the stairs and open the front door thinking that this "hot guy" is just some lame joke. What I see makes my heart speed up and confusion to eat at my insides.

"Jason?" I ask my voice sounding off, hollow.

He looks up from his phone, "hi max." is it just me or did he sound nervous?

"What the hell are you doing at my house?" I ask slowly.

He fingers something in his back pocket before pulling out a warn leather bound notebook.

My warn leather bound notebook to be exact.

I stare at the notebook in Jason's hands for what could have been years.

"Where did you get that?" I ask hollowly.

"I found it."

"Where and when?"

Jason stares at me long and hard for a few seconds be for saying, "When you bolted out of class your bag wasn't zipped and this fell out. You should be thankful that it was me who picked it up and not some no good whatever the hell it is those people are."

"First off how do I know that you didn't go through it and secondly you're like the m-f-in' king of high school so why the frick would you be calling the student body "whatever the hell those people are?" I lean against the cool cement surrounding the door way and rub my temples.

He snorts, "oh Max, I really didn't ask for nor do I enjoy being the "it" boy at that stupid school. Win a talent show, join a band, and pretend like you don't give a shit and you'll have them eating out of your hand no matter how annoying it is." He sounded so… truthful.

I look at my shoes trying to digest this; Jason didn't like being the "it boy"? That was almost a little too easy to believe. Maybe because I could completely understand it: The way he walks around like he doesn't really care about anyone outside of his group, the way he almost ever talks. Everything. It all makes sense.

"Um okay but what about the first question?" I ask softly.

"I want to lie but I can't find it in me to." He says.

My eyes snap up to his face, anger forcing my eyes into a harsh glare, "you didn't." I snap.

He looks at me with guilty eyes, "I'm sorry but for some odd reason it was really tempting after what you read out in class and I didn't really read it, it was more like skimmed through."

I fill my stomach roll with furry and my fist ball up ready the punch him, who knows what he could have read? Probably something totally embarrassing and personal, that's what!

Jason's eyes move down my arm and stop at my white knuckled fist. "Do not hit me." He says sternly.

"Why shouldn't I? You invaded my personal property after you called me a bitch with no life! Then you come here and try to act all sweet and shit!" I say bitterly.

He raises and eyes brow, "first off you where being a bitch, secondly I'm so terribly sorry that I think that you can write and wanted to read more even though I stopped after five minutes because a lot of this shit scared me and made me think I was in the exorcist. Oh and by the way I'm just trying to be nice."

I don't know what to make of this.

"Can I have my book back please?" I ask trying not to scream.

"Only if you do one thing for me," Jason says.

I swallow the lump in my throat; this is going to be horrible and embarrassing I can fill it.

"Depends," I say.

"On what?"

"What it is."

"Okay. All I'm asking is one day with you just to see what makes you who you are and what makes your skin crawl. Other than me that's is." He says.

I look up into his coal black eyes as he stares back into my brown ones.

Why does want that? I mean it doesn't make sense; I'm just Max a girl with more problems than days in a month, a girl who can't go a day without hurting herself, a girl who's never had a real friend in the past fifteen years of life, a girl with nothing special about her.

"Why," I chock out.

Jason reaches out to pull a leaf out of my hair and I flinch back automatically. I don't do personal contact.

He tilts his head to side slightly, "there something about you that I don't normally see in a girl. I'm not sure exactly what it is yet but I want to find out."

"No you don't trust me," I say weakly.

"I don't?" he asks.

"No now-"I'm cut off by the screen door opening quickly and harshly hitting me square in the back. I stumble forward and almost fall on my face but Jason reaches out to catch me. I look at his face almost mesmerized by the look in his eyes before quickly regaining myself and turning to the door.

Ella stands there looking pissed, "watch where you stand Max I could've got hurt."

"Oh yah, right, because it's not like you just bruised my spin or sent me falling to my face or anything!" I spit out.

"Shut up Max. I swear! You just can't stop can you?" she scrunches her nose up like a little bitch sending anger to curse through me.

"No I can't because it's not like I was the one who just opened the door up without looking first." Venom drips with every word.

"I-"I cut her off, "shut up Ella! I really don't care!"

"No I will not-"

"SHUT UP _ELLA_!"

"Whatever, I have to go." She says and shoves past me to her car.

I close my eyes and breathe. _Oh my god!_ _What have I done to be cursed with such a bitch for a sister?!_

"Max?" a voice says.

"Huh?"

"Are you okay?"

I open my eyes and look at Jason, "yah I'm good. Sorry about that."

He grins, "don't. If that where my sister I would've done the same thing."

I smile up at him the tinniest bit, "try living with it every day."

He laughs, "I'm good."

I rub my neck thinking, this guy isn't so bad. So far that is.

"Sure," I say slowly.

"About what?" Jason scrunches his eye brows together, thinking.

I let out a breath, "the thing, and deal, whatever it is."

He smiles and nods his head, "sweet."

"Hold up cow boy, I have a few conditions first," I hold out my hand, "one, I pick the place, two, I'm allowed to not answer something if I don't like the question, and three, if you tell anyone anything that I tell you then I will castrate you and don't say I don't know how my mom's a vet and well….you get it." I tally off the things on my fingers.

Jason thinks about this for a couple minutes before agreeing.

"notebook." I hold out my hand.

"Phone number," he shakes his phone.

I let out a breath that sounds like something an ape would make.

"Fine," I unlock my phone and give it him he does the same and I put my number in under "Max".

When he gives me my phone back I see that his is under the names "Fang".

"I thought only certain people called you that, like your friends." I tell him.

He shrugs, "if we're going to be spending a whole day together then I'd rather you call me by a name I actually like."

"Uh, okay. So I'll see you…later then? I guess." I ask not really knowing what to say.

"Yep, bye Max." he says as he walks back to his car, he turns around real quick to toss me my notebook, I catch it, and then walk inside.

I close the door behind me both excited and terrified about what could happen in the near future.

**A/N: hey y'all. I'm SO sorry for the long wait I haven't been near a computer in forever! I hope this made up for it; I'm going to try to have another chapter up in the next week or two. Read and review!**

**XXEmilyXX**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4; The dream.

Eyes burning, lungs bursting, and feet hitting every hard rock, sharp stick was nothing compared to the fear cursing through my veins.

I was running my only goal was to put as much distance between me and the demons. Yah demons, tan skinned, red eyed usually blood thirsty mutants from hell.

Right now it was me they were after but I wasn't going to let that happen even if it meant dying from my own fault.

I could out run an Olympic gold medalist, I always could but never could I out run a big spirit.

Branches cut at my face as I break through the trees. I stop for a millisecond to look around at the swamp land before taking off again.

I push my already burning legs harder as I race through the thick mud. The sound of hissing gets louder, closer as the mud gets thicker and the vines get more tangled together.

As I reach the end of the swamp I fill hands grab at my hair and cloths missing me by only centimeters.

Ignoring the pain running through my body I pump my legs harder, breathing out a sigh of relive when I step back onto hard ground.

I was wearing out and slowing down. I felt as if my strides were bringing me closer to the demons instead of farther away.

I spot a tall fence about 50 yards ahead of me, stretching as far as I could see on both sides. The top was lined with bob-wire. Not good.

I reach the fence and begin to slackly climb to the top.

A white hot hand locks an iron grip on to my ankle and yanks down, _hard_.

"Let. Me. Go!" I grunt out in between breaths as I kick my leg around.

The demon holding me hisses out something in an odd tongue and grabs hold of my other leg.

I fall to the ground, breathing heavy; all thoughts of escaping gone. They have me now, there's no way I'll make it out alive.

The demons force me to my knees with one holding my hands behind my back and anther holding me down with a blazing hand on my shoulder and the other knotted in my hair.

Blood was running from my nose and into my split lip from the fall. I was trying hard to not pass out as I gulp in lungs full of air.

A demon – the leader I think- emerges from the shadows and walks to stand in front of me. My heart catches in my throat as I take them in; deep brown waves of hair, brown eyes, and round face.

_MOM!? _

"Hello max," she hisses leaning down to my level.

I glare at her and spit a slimy mix of saliva and blood on to her face.

She reals back and slaps me hard across the face. With saying anything else she snaps her fingers and a demon hands her a long sharp knife.

I gulp.

She stands behind me, jerks my head my head back, and then drags the jagged blade across my throat.

I can fill the blood pool in my throat and the air leaving my body, the blood drains in to my lungs and I start to chough wishing I where dead because she keeps taking her time making the cut.

I make gargled sound as dots dance in front of me.

"Good bye, my dear." She whispers.

The last thing I fill before being sucked into the world of the dead is her stabbing the blade into my heart…

I bolt upright in bed frozen with fear. Sweat covers me in a thin layer, sticking my hair to my face; I put a hand over my heart as I try to breath.

I look around my room in fear that demon might be lurking in the shadows.

_What the hell?! _

I clutch my Little Annie rag doll close to my chest as I reach over to turn on my lamp. The dim light fills my room reviling to me that there's nothing in here that shouldn't be.

What was that? Normally when I have a nightmare it's about a rabid animal trying to kill me or a cat sitting on a tree that doesn't seem stable. That was just… like _what_? I don't even know what to call it. Freaky, creepy and predictable? Possibly. Wonderful and amazing? Hell to the no!

I slowly make my way out of bed and pull back the shades; the sky is dark with rain clouds and there's frost on the edges of the window.

Maybe it will snow.

With a shrug of my shoulders I turn and go get a shower.

Hard as it maybe for me to believe yesterday was when Jason Oliver asked me to "hang out" with him. Every time I think about it my stomach clinches with nerves because how stupid could I have been? I'm not really sure what was going through my head at the time.

Although, every time I think about it another part of me swells with excitement. Why? Dunno. Do I really care? Still trying to figure that one out.

I finish up with my shower and quietly walk to my room. I throw on some ribbed skinny jeans; an Emily the strange t-shirt, a two toned red and black belt and some random jewelry.

As I'm doing my makeup my phone rings I pick it up without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Max?" my aunt Anne asks.

"No," I say sarcastically.

She laughs, "Hey, I was wondering if you'd like to make some extra cash."

I put down my eye-liner pencil, "go on."

"Well, my best worker called in sick today and I have something's to do so I was wondering if you'd mind running the shop for a few hours."

"Sure. I'll be there in 20." I hang up and finish getting ready.

Aunt Annie owns a local coffee shop near my school. As you could probably guess it's a big hang out spot for kids during the week. It kinds sucks working there during the week because there's so many kids from school go there and 90% of them are bitches.

But it's not like I work for free or anything. Annie pays me the same as anybody else who works there so even though it can be hell I at least get paid for it.

I take the bus to Annie's shop 'I Coffee' and let myself in.

"Max!" my aunt yells from behind the counter.

I roll my eyes and slowly walk to her, "hi."

She opens her arms for a hug and I step in to them.

"How've you been dear?" she whispers.

"Okay-ish," I say into her shoulder.

We break apart and I look at the ground. My aunt my not know everything like my uncle did but she does know that I'm a little bit on the down side right now. She's my favorite person in the world because she's crazy, fun, and stubborn.

My mom doesn't like her and thinks that I shouldn't be around her because out of every one in my family I'm the only one related to her by blood. She's my dad's sister.

Remember when I said that Uncle Jeff told my "parents" that I fell onto some metal? Yah well when I said parents I really meant my mom and her husband, Frank, or Ella and Gazzy's dad. My mom cheated on Frank with my dad a few years after Ella was born resulting in me.

I don't know all the details but for some reason Frank took mom back a few months after I was born and then some years later had Gazzy.

I've only meet my dad twice from what Aunt Annie tells me he was around a lot when I was a baby then he just vanished I guess. The two times I've seen him was only for a day for a few hours when the courts mad him come pay my mom or something like that. The last time I saw him I was ten that's almost six years ago.

"Hey, chin up," my aunt says bringing me out of my thoughts. She taps my nose causing me to grin.

"You think today will be slow?" I ask putting on an apron that looks like the screen on an IPhone only instead of apes its different kinds of coffee and pastries that we sell here. Pretty awesome if I do say so myself.

"Maybe, if it rains then more than likely but you never know I mean it is Saturday," she slides me a vanilla spice latte.

I stick my finger in the whipped cream and lick it off. I nibble on a raspberry scone as Annie sets up shop.

"Okay I'm leaving. See you later, oh and don't throw coffee and a guy like last time."

I jump up, "he was being an ass and you know it!" I point a finger at her.

"Yes I know that but that doesn't give you permission to dump a hot latte on his lap," she sighs.

"It so dose! I mean who orders seven coffees then only expects to pay for the one he drank?" I cross my arms, that guy was such a prick.

"Bye Max," she closes the door behind her leaving me alone.

The next two hours are the longest ones of my life. There's only one costumer who ordered a cookie and a black coffee, a two second order.

Around one while I'm reading a book the bell rings and I hear two guys talking as they walk in.

"Welcome to I Coffee the IPhone of all coffee houses. How may I help you?" I say our slogan tonelessly without looking up from my book.

"Max?" Jason asks sounding astonished.

_Oh, my god! _ I growl in my head.

I snap my head up to look at him, "why do you keep showing up?" I spit at him.

"Well hello to you to. I didn't know you worked here," he said.

"My aunt owns this place," I say bitterly.

He flips his hair out of his face, "sweet."

His friend steps out from behind him, "I'm James but call me anything other than Iggy and I will save your eyebrows. I enjoy fire, pancakes, and mud."

I stare at him strangely looking him up and down real quick; shaggy strawberry blond hair, light blue eyes framed by the small dark frames of his glasses, blue hoodie, dark jeans, and blue converses.

"Uhh...okay," I say closing my book.

Iggy stands there waiting for what? I have no idea.

"Hehem," he says with a wave of his hand.

"What?" I ask irritated.

"Who are you?" he asks.

"Max."

"Really well I had no idea even though Fang here just said your name two seconds ago." Iggy says sarcastically.

I let out a deep breath, "my name is max, I like books, writing and your friend here is stalking me."

"Am not! You agreed to spend time with me and yesterday you sounded simi happy while talking to me!" Jason yelled.

"Whatever Jason, can I get you anything or not?" I ask irritated.

"Yah, I have a caramel macchiato?" he says.

"Kinda fruity but okay," I mumble.

"White hot chocolate, medium," says Iggy.

"9.23," I tell them.

I take their money and begin making there order.

"So Max, when can we have that date?" Jason asks, drumming his fingers on the counter.

"First off it's not a date and secondly I don't know 'cause I haven't thought about it since I agreed," I tell him handing Iggy his hot chocolate.

Okay so maybe that was a lie I have thought about it but not to the point where I take all my time thinking about it. I'm just not kinda girl that dose that kinda shit I do have a mental battle to fight after all.

"Fine it's not a date but before I say anymore can I ask you something first. I promise that it's not going to be personal or anything."

"Whaaaaat is it?" I ask throwing my head back.

"What's your favorite food?" he asks.

What? Wow that was sorta random.

"Um… chocolate chip cookies," I say slowly.

He smiles looking taken back, "really? Okay then what your favorite non sweet food?"

"Macaroni and tomato soup," I say.

"Isn't that an old southern dish?" Iggy asks licking the whipped cream from his upper lip.

"Yah, so?" I hand Jason his macchiato.

Iggy holds his hands up in the 'I surrender' motion.

"Ignore him. So I was hoping we could maybe do it tonight?" says Jason taking a sip of coffee.

"Why tonight?" I ask wiping down the counter.

"Because, tonight just fills right."

Iggy burst out laughing, "Yah right dude! That's all you've talked about since you got back yesterday."

Jason glares at him, if looks could kill.

"No really, oh man Max should have heard him! 'I can't believe she said yes! This is so amazing! Wait a minute what if she kills me? I'm scared, now! But she's so beautiful! Dam it! Fang pull yourself together!' all night long. I was ready to kill the man myself," Iggy says while doing all these weird hand motions.

Jason thinks I'm beautiful? Wow!

A weird filling fills my stomach but I ignore it, probably just heart burn or something.

"I did not! You are so lying!" Jason screams his cheeks turning fire truck red.

Is it just me or does he look cute while blushing? No! No! Bad Max you can't be thinking that he is the enemy!

"That's sweet Jason, blushing and stuff." I say.

"Shut up," he mumbles.

I snort.

The next few minutes is spent in silence while they drink there coffees and I continue to read my book, 'the Awakening' by Kelly Armstrong. Amazing book for all of you out there who read.

I'm just getting to the part where they dye Chloe's hair when once again I'm interrupted by Jason and Iggy, well more so Jason but you get it.

"So tonight?" asks Jason sticking a stick of gum in his mouth.

Wow! Spring back much Jason?

I look him up and down my eyes falling on his Slender Man t-shirt, "maybe, I have to think about it. Oh and sick shirt you got there." I pull out my snake bites hating the way the rings brush my teeth when I talk.

_Note to self: by new lip rings._

"I take that as a yes. I'll call yah later," he says dropping five bucks into the tip jar.

"Later," Iggy calls over his should, "great hot chocolate by the way." He gives a piece sign before walking out.

I watch them fast walk through the rain to Jason's car before speeding away.

"What just happened?" I say out loud to myself morbidly confused.

**A/N: And there we have chapter four! This is the longest chapter so far! So what did you think? Bad? Horrible? Good? Amazing? I don't know you tell me! Read and review!**

**XXEmilyXX**


	5. Bleach Ice

Chapter 5; bleach ice.

If this where a fairy tale in the land of gumdrops an' rainbows and I was a sad maiden who just got asked out buy the prince then id probably go around the coffee house dancing around and or singing to happy music. Id daydream about our night dancing under the stares and sharing a milkshake from the 50's themed dinner down town and finally id be caught kissing a broom as I daydreamed about the wonderful once in a life time first kiss that we would share.

But no-

Instead this is dreary Denver, I'm a screwed up emo kid, it was the school "it" boy that "asked me out" and not a prince and if I did any of those things I'd probably shoot myself. So instead of daydreaming I returned to reality; miserable, boring reality.

Not long after Jason and Iggy left I began to wipe down the counter top and tables as I softly hummed a Black Veil Brides song.

While I was restocking the paper cups the little bell above the door softly jingled but I didn't turn around nor did I say the slogan. When I finished neatly stacking them I turned around and nearly choke on the gum I was chewing.

Leaning against the counter reading a menu was a tall brown skinned, curly haired big eyes teenage girl. Aka Nudge.

I stare at her in shock and anger. Horrible bad thoughts race through my mind-stupid bitch, trader, why the fuck is that stupid slut here, liar, etc.-.

My eyes narrow as I try not to ball my hands into tight fist. I clear my throat, "Hi."

Nudge looks up shocked and afraid?

"Max? Is that you?" she says it like I'm a freggin ghost or something.

I close my eyes and breath deep desperately trying not to scream, "Of course it's me you freckling bitch! Maybe if you got your head out of Lisa's ass every once in a while you could see that!"

"The one and only," I reply through clenched teeth.

"You look so deferent. Have you always had angle bites?"

I finger one of the small studs above my lip," uhh no I just got 'em a couple weeks ago…"

"Oh, well there a good look for you," she makes a frame out of her hands a looks at me through it," You really pull off the whole 'I hate my parents and want to spend my teen years in a prison cell' look well."

"What the fuck does that mean?" I ask offended.

"It means whatever you want it to mean," she says with a smile.

I give her a devilish smile, "In my mind it means that if a bitch says something to me about how I look and dress or what they think I'm going to do with my life again then I'm going to need a garbage bag a knife and a shovel."

Her eyes grow big as dinner plates and her mouth drops into an "O".

I smirk at her reaction," but that could be _any _body. I didn't name names."

She clears her throat, "Uhh yah… the reason I came here yah that, um a strawberry mango smoothie to go please." the word please sounds almost forced.

"No prob."

I go to the back to make the smoothie because the coffee stuff takes up most of the front. While adding in the milk I spot a gallon of bleach sitting next to the sink. I reach for it and fill half a coup with it, I turn my hand over the blender to where to smelly liquid is just hardly still in the cup.

_No max! This is isn't right! You could kill the girl!_ The little annoying voice in my head says.

_But that's the whole point! She deserves it! _I fight back.

_No one deserves to die max._

_I'M DEAD INSIDE EVERYDAY! SHE CAN DEAL WITH IT!_

_Don't take it out on her. That would make you no better than your mother._

I sigh; okay I'm totally crazy fighting with my inner good person or whatever the hell you call it.

As I go to set the bleach down a loud voice at the door starts me, "hey Max I gotta go now so if I can have the smoothie now it would be great!"

I set the cup down and finish making her stupid drink.

"Thanks," she says and hands me a 5.

"Yah, sure."

I follow her to the door and flip the open sign to close.

As I'm cleaning up the smoothie mess I notice the half empty half cup of bleach. Bleach?

Oh, shit!

I race out the front door into the cold, rainy street looking left and right for Nudge. Rain streams down my face as I look for a tall girl in bright pink rain boots.

"Damn it!" I mutter as I race up and down the empty street.

Who knows where she could have gone! She probably took the bus or went in to one of the other stores. Which would take years for me look through all of!

"Hey, you!" I say to a by passer.

The confused man points at himself.

"Yah you, you seen a black girl in pink rain boots with a smoothie walk by here?"

"No miss I haven't."

I growl and grab the front of his shirt, "why not?!"

The frightened looking man bats my hand away and rushes into a store.

I stand in the middle of the side walk freezing and freaking out; I look up at the near black sky flustered.

After 10 minutes of standing in the rain I walk back to the coffee house; chilled to the bone I look at the ground out of habit. When I'm almost at the shop all hope has left my body.

That it I'm going to jail for murder! Who would have thought? I wonder how many years I'll get. 10? 20? Life? After not very much thought at all I decide that prison would be much better than being at home, maybe I'll find a friend in jail. Yah a tall hot teenage guy who killed the mayor or something like that!

I smile to myself; yep I've totally lost my marbles.

Bright orange catches my eye I walk over to a bush and peer at the washing away liquid. Spilled over the bushes is what appears to be a manga smoothie. Wait- smoothie?

I dip my fingers into the sticky mess and hold it to my nose; a slight hit of bleach burns my nostrils. I don't need to find the cup in order to know that this was Nudge's drink.

Relive overcomes me, "Yes!" I scream.

I stand there for a minute overjoyed; I didn't kill her I'm not going to jail!

I rush back to the shop weirdly happy.

Once I'm in the door I realize just how cold and wet I am. I pull my shirt away from my stomach and whip my dripping bangs away from my face. I walk to the back and grab a towel from a closet; I wrap it around my shoulders after patting my face dry.

I walk up front to find a lady digging through the registered.

I race up to her and grab her shoulder; "What the hell do you think you're doing? We're closed and you're stealing!"

The lady turns around a familiar face stares at me a parental glare on her face.

I let out a breath and smack Aunt Annie on the shoulder, "Thanks giving me a heart attack! Next time do me a favor and let yourself be known."

The glare doesn't leave her face, "why are you all wet?"

I walk around her and start to dig through my bag in search of my cell phone.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I say simply.

She grabs my shoulder turning me to face her; she picks up a piece of my dripping hair, frowns then points to my feet. My converses once red are now a dark blood color I crinkle my toes resulting in a wet squishing sound and water to trickle out of the sides of my shoes.

"Oh you mean that water, "I say slowly.

"Max!" Annie says like an accusing parent.

I hold my hands up, "Sorry but it was either get wet or go to jail." The second I say the words I cover my mouth with my hand and mentally slap myself. _Crap!_

"What!?" she screams.

I let out a groan, "nothing happened I swear."

"Max," she says warningly.

"Promise not to be mad."

She glares at me and I glare back harder. After a couple minutes of this she lets out a breath and agrees.

I tell her about Nudge coming in to shop, me being mad at her and me accidentally spilling bleach into her smoothie. I tell her why I'm wet and how I assaulted a stranger and then finally finding the smoothie in the bush.

After I finish she stands there looking like she could murder me but she promised not to be mad so technology she can't yell at me.

"You're mad and you want to kill me. I get it." I tell her.

"Max," she sighs.

"Hey I said I'm sorry and nobody got hurt." I cross my arm.

Aunt Annie looks at me before saying, "I'm not ganna get into it."

"Thank you," I mumble.

I start to dig in my bag again, I find my phone and check the time to find that its 3:24. I notice that I have two messages both from Jason.

The first one says; srry 'bout earlier Iggy can be an ass sometimes.

The second one simply says; call me.

I turn to see where my aunt is and go sit at a booth out of ear shoot.

I tap the green bar under his name and put the phone to my ear. The phone rings once, twice, three times before he picks up.

"Hey."

"What do you want?" I ask sharply.

There's silence on the other end for a second, "I was ganna ask you about tonight."

"What about tonight?" I shiver and rub my goose bump covered arm.

"What time do you wanna me to come get you?"

I think about it for a minute; it will take me about ten minutes to get home and anther forty-five to get redressed. I do the math and tell him around five-ish.

He asks me a couple more pointless questions about tonight before I spot my aunt staring at me from the counter I tell Jason that I have to go and slide out of the booth.

"You were totally ease dropping," I tell her crossing my arms.

She smiles at me, "who was that?"

"That," I point at my phone, "was nobody."

"Hmm."

"Just drop it." I tell her walking behind her to my bag. I grab the tip jar and take out almost ten dollars. I stuff the money into my bag without caring wear it lands.

"We sure are dropping a lot of things today aren't we?"

"Yep, are we done for today?" I ask changing the subject.

"Yah, why?"

"Can you take me home?"

She looks at me weird, "since when are you in a big rush to get home?"

I put on my best in trouble face, "Since I didn't tell mom where I was and she gets home at four?"

Okay so I was lying but only a little; yes I didn't tell my mom where I was but she gets home at six not four. Also I lied because I felt like a muggy Popsicle in desperate need of a hot shower, the whole Jason thing was a small part of it but mostly it was the above.

"Come on," I watch as my aunt grabs her keys and walks to the door.

I throw my towel and apron on a bar stool and follow her. Luckily her black Tahoe is parked right in front of the shop. I climb in and crank the heat on high.

Country music softly plays from the speakers; I give my aunt a weird look.

"I grew up in Virginia, get over it." She says as she speeds down the street.

"Was never under it but okay." I mumble.

I stare out the window thinking; hopefully nobody will be home so that I can slide in and slide out of the house without all the drama. If anyone happens to be there then I hope its Gazzy because out of everyone in the house he bugs me the least.

I think about Jason and realize that for some reason I'm nervous about tonight. I mean like is it a date or is it just a friendly get together? What am I even supposed to wear anyway? He said dress warm but honestly did he think I was ganna go out in this weather wearing shorts and a tank top? I sure hope not.

All too soon Annie pulls into my drive way she gives me a hug before I climb out of the car. I wave bye to her and walk inside.

The house is quite other than the slight buzzing of a T.V somewhere up stairs. I walk to the kitchen and grab a Starbucks double shoot energy drink before throwing my soaking shoes into the dryer.

I pop open my can and down a big gulp of it as I climb the stairs. I sigh with pleasure as the coffee shocks my taste buds.

When I walk pass Gazzy's room I notice that the doors agar; I peak my head inside to see that he's sitting on the end of his bed with the light turned off as he plays some kind of shooting video game.

Sensing my presence he turns around and jumps a little.

"Heeey," I say dragging out the "e".

"What do you want?" he asks.

I shrug then say, "Nothing."

I turn around and walk to my room. I toss my bag onto my bed and peel off my wet cloths. I grab some sweats from my dresser, wrap a towel around my nakedness then run down the hall to the bathroom.

I lay my clothes on the sink and look at my reflection in the mirror. My hairs messy and falls in uneven ringlets, my brown eyes are rimmed with a thick smeared circle of dark make up, random lines flow down to my checks from the rain. I whip a finger under one eye taking off some of the black goop. I stare at my hollowing checks and purplish under eyes, looking at myself now it looks like I haven't slept or eaten in weeks. When all it really is, is stress.

Stress of not being good enough for anyone, stress of being too worried about my cuts showing, school, but most of all it's the stress of me hating myself because no matter how hard I try I'll never get my mother to love me like she dose Ella and Gazzy. I keep telling myself I'm done trying to please her but I guess that's one of the bad things about me that no matter how much I tell myself that I'm through I still keep doing the same thing only with a little less effort.

I close my eyes and shake my head trying to get rid of the thought, even though it's the truth.

I glance down at my arms still wrapped in the gauze from yesterday, I slightly wonder how nobody saw it all day then I remember that I was wearing a jacket that I never took off.

I finger the edge of the gauze on my left wrist for a second before I slowly start to unravel it. The closer I get to my skin the redder it gets. The final bit has stuck to my skin with blood so I yank it off, through the gauze in the trash, then rinse off the excess blood with the tap.

Bright, puffy, jagged, red lines run up and down my lower arm. They sting a little from the water getting in 'em but it's nothing I can't handle. I push down on a spot where many of them connect with each other; the stinging is mixed with an odd pain -or the way it fills to touch a bruise- and I hiss out in pain. I remove my finger and clench my left hand into a fist. The veins in my arm tense up resulting in a couple of the deeper cuts to grow a brighter blood red.

I unclench my hand and decide that now's as good a time as any to take my shower. I turn the water on smothering hot then climb in. I wash my hair and body with honey scented products and wash my face with a tingly mint face cleanser.

I steep out into the steamy bath room and quickly put my clothes on.

As I walk to my room I rub a towel on my hair trying to get as much water out of it as possible. Once in my room I lock my door and turn on some random music, I smile when I hear the song 'In the end' by Black Vail Brides start to play.

I brush, blow dry, straighten and cut random pieces of hair with an eyebrow razor. I line my eyes with a thick layer of black eyeliner then brush on some water proof mascara. Finally I pat on some pale powder foundation.

I walk over to my closet and pull out a long sleeve black and white striped shirt, black skinny jeans and a pair of black converses. I pull on the cloths before I loop a sliver studded belt loosely around my hips and put on a long black diamond necklace. I pull on a couple dozen black and white jell bracelets; I apply clear lip gloss to my lips before putting in simple black loop lip rings. I remove the red balls from my angle bits and replace them with clear ones. Lastly I replace my simple ball eye brow ring with a black and red dice.

When I check my phone I find that its 4:50; I tease my hair once more so that it's how I like then grab my Jack skeleton messenger bag, throw it across my body then walk out of my room.

When I walk past Gazzy's room I stick my head in the door and call his name.

He turns around and gives me this annoyed look.

I give him the same look, "if mom asks I'm at the library studding for exams so if she needs me tell her to text me, okay?"

"What if dad needs you?" he asks.

I clinch my jaw, "Fred's not my dad so please start referring to him as 'my dad' when you're talking to me. And yah if Fred needs me tell him to text me as well, got it?"

He nods and as I turn to leave I hear Gazzy mumble, "He's the dad you've ever know scene yours hasn't seen you on over ten years, so that doesn't make him your dad how?"

I let out a deep breath, "there's a big difference Gazzy." I say over my shoulder.

"Yah, sure."

I sigh and continue my way down stairs. I shut the front door just as a black Jeep pulls up in front of my house. I suck in a deep breath and slowly let it out before walking to the Jeep my heart pounding like a humming birds wings.

The passenger window rolls down all the way when I'm half way there. I see Jason staring at me though it a smirk drawn across his face. I stop walking, glare and him and cross my arms. He frowns and I smile, _thank you. _I start walking again, when I reach the Jeep I stop for a second a try to calm down my heart rate. Once I no longer fill like my hearts ganna explode I open the car door and climb in the seat.

I buckle my seat belt then sit motionless for a minuet; sensing eyes on me I slowly turn my head to look at Jason.

"Dude!" I yell when I find that he's staring at me like I'm a giant lizard.

"Sorry," he says then smiles _again_ before _finally_ pulling away from my house.

"If you don't quit staring at me like a fucking rapist then I'm going to punch you in the fucking face until you either pass out from the pain or die from your nose getting imbedded into your brain!" I say icily crossing my arms.

"So-rry. I was ganna say something but forget it." He says.

"What was it?" I question.

Jason shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head," nothing."

I growl, "tell me." I was getting angry now.

He glances over at me his eyes lingering on my face for a second to long but I ignore it.

"All I was going to say was that you look very pretty. I've never seen you wear anything that doesn't have rips' in it or a band name splattered on the front." He says softly.

I stare at him speechless; I fill my checks heat up and look down at my lap. That was probably the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me about the way I look other than my aunt but she tells me I'm pretty all the time so it don't count. I take a minute and enjoy the nice complement from almost a total stranger before turning back to Jason.

"Thank you," I can't help the smile that comes to my lips as I speak.

I try to hind the smile before Jason sees but sadly I fail.

He doesn't say anything but just grins and nods his head in a 'you're welcome' way.

We sit in silence for about ten seconds before I realize something, "Do you stalk me at school?" I ask hoping that the answers not yes.

Jason snorts, "No," I relax a little with that good news, "I just notice you s'all. You're not as invisible as you think you are at least to me you ani't."

"Please tell me that you realize that makes you sound like a stalker."

"Yah I know but I'm not so why should I care?"

"Good point," I mumble.

Jason turns on the radio to the local rock station and a song I've never heard starts to play softly from the speakers.

For the first time since I climbed in the Jeep I decide to look at what Jason's wearing; black skinny jeans with a chain, solid black high top converses, and black and red plaid shirt with the arms rolled up to his elbows. His black emo styled hair is partly covered with a lose black beanie. I look at his face and notice that he has right side spider bites, his lip ring is solid black. I look him over once more before deciding that Jason looks _extremely_ hot.

"Since when do you have spider bites?" I ask.

"Since I was four-teen,"

"They weren't there earlier," I say with a small shake of my head.

Jason stops at a red light and looks over at me, "yah there where you just didn't notice."

"Hmm," I nod my head and start to finger one of my snake bites, something I do when I'm either bored or don't know what to say.

"What about you," Jason says.

"What about me?"

"How'd you get all you're piercing?"

I peruse my lips thinking about all the trouble I got into for putting rings in my face.

"Everyone has its own story." I whisper.

"Go on."

I let out a breath, "when I was thirteen I wanted to get my eyebrow pierced and when I asked my mom she flipped out on me and grounded me for a mouth so being the little bad ass that I was I took a lemon a sowing needle and some alcohol and pierced it myself, it hurt like hell and got infected two days later but I didn't care, my mom was mad at me and I had my eyebrow pierced just like I wonted. She made me take it out after beating the shit out of me but after a couple months she let me get it done on the other eye because when I did it I left a scar." I move my bangs out of the way to show him my left eye brow and the ugly purple scar that still covers the end of it.

"ouch," Jason mumbles.

I drop my bangs, "yah, and as for the snake bites last year when I turned 15 it was kinda the same thing except I had my own money and could afford to do get them done so I did. My mom sorta stopped caring what I did to my face after that because I guess she knew she couldn't stop me, cause I'd only do the same thing over and over again until I got what I wanted. It makes me sound like a stuck up rich kid but I really don't give a shit. I like having them and that's all I care about…" I trail off for a second before continuing, "as for the angle bites my aunt took me to get them for Christmas this passed year."

"Interesting, "says Jason.

"If you say so," I reply.

I look out my window to the night world it's hard to see because of the slight drizzle and the whole night thing.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"You'll see, were almost there." He replies.

I slouch in my seat and cross my arms; I don't like waiting or surprises. Soon I take out my phone and began to play Candy Crush to pass the time. After a couple levels I fill the Jeep come to a total stop and the engine cuts off.

I lift my head to see where were at; large blue letters that read "Denver Ice Rink and Arcade" are the first to catch my eye. The next things I notice are all the people in line for tickets and tokens. I look over at Jason. Instead of saying anything he climbs out of the Jeep and walks over to my door opening it for me.

I unbuckle myself, grab my bag and jump out I fix my shirt and hair before following Jason. I walk next to him and stick my hands into my back pockets, making sure that he doesn't try to hold my hand. I notice that he's done almost the same thing except his hands are in his front pockets.

I glance at the line hoping we won't have to wait in it with all those people standing around us trying to steal our air.

"Don't worry about the line." Jason tells me.

"Huh?" I ask.

"The line," he gestures at it with his head, "you're looking at it like it's going to come over here and murder you."

"Oh, right, sorry I'm just a little Closter phobic," I tell him. I'm not a little Closter phobic I'm _extremely_ Closter phobic.

"Don't worry I am to, which is why I got the tickets earlier to day so we can go right in and if you're worried about the rink being crowed don't. 60 percent of the people in line are here for the new arcade," he says reassuringly.

"Ok," I breathe out with a nod of my head.

We reach a side door, Jason holds it open for me and I steep inside. The strong sent of popcorn, fresh paint and cold air fills my nose along with something I can't describe. The large room where standing in splits in to two tunnels on either side with a huge food court in the middle selling everything from candy to Hamburgers. Hanging above the left tunnel in icy blue and white letters are the words 'Ice Rink'. Hanging above the right tunnel in red, blue and green neon letters is the word 'Arcade'. The right tunnel is decorated with different grand opening posters and TV screens that are featuring all the different games.

Seas of people float in this direction and that; through the crowd I noticed a group of preppy brightly dressed girls staring and pointing at me and Jason. I glare at them and bare my invisible fangs at them. One of the girls stops mid-chew and puts a hand over her mouth while the rest quickly turn the other way and start to whisper to one another.

I smirk at their reaction not caring that they think I'm a weirdo freak. I look over at Jason; his eyes are wide and his head is cocked slightly to the side. His expression says, "I can't believe you just did that."

"What?" I ask innocently.

He shakes his head, "Just glad that I'm not the only one you scare."

"What's that mean?" I question.

Jason starts walking to the ice rink tunnel, "Nothing."

I have to walk a little faster to catch up to him, "define nothing for me."

"No."

When we reach the tunnel I watch as Jason hands the man our tickets and the man give him two white snowflake necklaces. Jason hands me one and I quickly though it over my head; once were in the tunnel I grab Jason by the shoulder and slam him hard against the blue wall. He struggles under my hand and I press down harder putting all my strength into my one arm.

"Define nothing," I say in a deadly low voice.

He glares at me for a second, lets out a breath then starts to talk, "all I meant was that at times like now where your man handling me or when you threaten to beat me to death it scares me a little."

I loosen my grip a little, "why."

Jason leans down so that his lips are right by my ear and whispers, "because I can't tell if your bullshitting me or being serious."

I drop my arm and stare into Jason's coal colored eyes, I stand on my tippy toes so that my lips are even with his; I open my mouth and softly whisper to him, "I don't bullshit other people, other people bullshit _Me_." I hold his eyes for author second before walking down the rest of the tunnel.

I don't look to see if he's following me instead I stuff my hands back in my pockets and look at my shoes as I walk. A sudden blast of cold air sends my hair blowing back I look up only to get knocked in the head by a giant fuzzy snow ball thing.

I glare in the direction of the ball and rub head, stupid morons.

I look around the softly lit room; to my left is the booth wear you go trade in your shoes for skates along with a little sitting area where a couple people are drinking steaming drinks. To my right are the bathrooms and this igloo themed playground for kids. The ice rink is in the middle of it all. The whole area has this snowy paradise theme complete with the fake snow covering the floor.

I start to walk towards the booth when I fill a hand softly land on the small of my back. I jump a little but continue to walk. When we reach the booth we have to wait in line behind this preppy couple that seems to be having some sort of fight.

"Dylan I don't care! I spent 500 dollars on these hills and I am not going to let some minimum wedge scum touch or be in charge of keeping up with them!" the girl says her voice perky and snooty sounding. Cheerleader, I decide right of the bat.

"I don't give a shit Maya. You can't get skates unless you give your shoes in, it's not like he's ganna take them for himself!" her boyfriend whisper yells.

"You don't know that! He could be a fucking cross dresser for all we know!" she says.

"Maya!" he yells angrily.

I glance over at Jason; his arms are crossed and he looks bored. I nudge him and gesture at the preppy couple with my head. He points at them then rolls his eyes and shakes his head. I nod my head then point at the girl before dragging my thumb across my neck. He chuckles at me as he flips his bangs from his face.

The preppy guy turns around to face us then looks back at his girlfriend, "you guys go ahead, sorry." They step to the side.

"Thanks," I tell him then gesture to his girlfriend, "Oh and good luck trying to get mom and dad to approve of that."

The guy tries not to smile unlike his blond bimbo who stands there with her mouth open.

"Trying to catch a snack?" I ask.

The girl goes to hit me but her boyfriend pulls her back and they go to sit down.

I look over at Jason and can tell he wants to say something so I shake my head, lock my lips with an invisible key and throw it over my shoulder.

I pull off my shoes and ask the guy for a size nine. He takes my shoes and returns with a pair of bladeless skates he gives me a ticket and tells me to go to the next booth for blades. I walk across the floor in my socks to the next booth; I hand the girl my ticket and she hands me two covered blades.

I walk over to one of the rounded couches' and begin to unlace my skates I fill Jason plop down next to me and start to do the same.

"That was mean Max," he says out of nowhere.

I look over at him, "So? It was funny and you know it, s'what that little bitch gets."

"No it wasn't." I can see him trying to hide a grin.

"Then say it with a straight face."

I watch him try and fail at trying to get rid of his grin.

I smirk, "you can't even whip the grin off your face! Max: 1, Jason: 0."

"Fang," he says.

"Fang what?" I ask pulling on a skate.

"That's my name; I asked you call me Fang because I don't like Jason remember?"

"Err, no." I say pulling on the other skate.

"Well can you do me a favor and call me Fang and not Jason?" he ask me.

"Can do," I fumble with laces of my skates forgetting how they lace back together.

"Well shit," I huff in frustration.

"Allow me," I watch as Jas- I mean Fang begins to quickly re-lace, tighten and tie my skates for me.

"Are they too tight?" he asks me.

I wiggle my toes inside the skate, "Nope, perfect." I slide the blades in the little notches before standing up.

I wobble a little when I stand; I take a step forward and fall on to my knees. I huff in frustration and try to stand again; I push myself up using one of the lounge chairs. This time I take little small baby steps getting a couple feet farther. When I'm only about a yard from the rink entrance my ankle twist and I fall sideways.

Angrily sit up and whip my hair out my face I hear a soft chuckle and look up at Fang fire burning in my eyes, "Having fun watching me make an ass out of myself?"

"No, I just find it funny how even though you keep falling you keep getting back up," he walks over to me making it look easy. Walking that is.

"Well what am I spouse to do? Lie on my ass until someone comes to save me?" I cross my arms.

Fang nods, "When your friends not ten feet behind you, you are."

I raise my eyebrow, "who said we were friends?"

"I did," he says as he extends his hand to me I take it and pull myself up. Slowly we walk in to the rink hand in hand.

We steep on to the ice with him on the outside and me hugging the wall; I look around at all the people moving in one giant oval, some people have moved to the middle where a couple little kids cling to their parents wearing those butt pad things. Teenage couples skate around holding hands and laughing, they all make it look as easy as walking.

I look at Fangs feet, how their shoulders with apart and not all bent like mine are. I move my right foot then my left so that there lined up with my shoulders then straighten my feet.

"Kay, now how do I move in these things?" I ask.

"Ever been roller blading?" Fang ask. I nod my head. "Well it's the same thing only with more balance and agility."

"Great, "I mumble, "two things I don't have."

He chuckles, "come on its easy."

Fang takes my hand and slowly starts to skate forward; I clinch up when I fill myself move ready for the fall that I know will come.

"It's okay, Max." he assures me.

I nod my head and we start to go faster. I remember what it was like roller blading and all the times I would spin in circles because I knew how jealous Ella got because I could do something and she couldn't. I smile remembering the time I had to get ten stitches in my elbow because I tried to jump over the mailbox.

I move my legs and feet just like I remember doing in roller blades. I fill my body glide forward with ease; I grin and drop Fangs hand. I glide faster filling my hair gently blow back, adrenalin fills my veils and I close my eyes and hold my hands high above my head.

I imagine that I'm flying through the cold Colorado Mountains in the middle of the winter as snow slowly cascades down and the trees dance in the wind. I smile and go faster.

"Max, Stop!" Fang yells urgently.

What? I put down my arms and open my eyes just in time to hit a blue wall, _Hard_. Exploding pain erupts all over my face; I twist my body as I fall so that when I hit the ground I don't land flat on my back, instead I land roughly on my side.

I hold my nose as I try not to holler from the pain in my hip or run away from embarrassment. Nice going Max, reeeal smooth run into a fucking wall why don't you! I'm pretty sure all eyes are on me right now, how? Hint one: the very loud and obvious whispering over the music, and hint two: the fact that the sound of skates hitting the ice has all but stopped.

"Max are you okay?" Fang asks me.

I don't open my eyes, "everyone's staring at me aren't they?"

"Um…yah they are," he tells me.

"Fantastic," I grumble.

"Can you sit up?"

Can you kill me first? I almost ask him but don't. Instead I nod my head let go of my nose and slowly push myself up till I'm sitting. Like a broken dam blood pours out of nose by the cup luckily no blood makes it to my shirt though I can't say the same for the lower part of my face. Quickly I reach up and pinch my nostrils closed.

I glance up at Fang for the first time; his mouth is pressed into a tight line and his eyes are slightly wider; if I knew him better then maybe I could tell what that look means but I don't so I can't.

Silently Fang gets onto one knee and holds a hand out to me using my other hand I take it and slowly I start to stand despite the throbbing pain in my hip.

When I'm standing all the way up the crowed breaks into a very loud and embarrassing clap kinda like what they do at football games when a player recovers from a bad hit. I keep my head down in shame as Fang leads us to the exit my nails digging half-moons into his lower arm.

I was never going to let myself live this down, never. This was an all-new type of embarrassment one that I hope I would never have to go through again because this was the plain old stupid and idiotic embarrassment that a few brain cells could have easily prevented. A few that I obviously don't have.

The nights only just begun and already I wish it was over…

**There's chapter 5! I'm so sorry it took so long to upload; these last few months have been stressful but now the summers here and I'm FREE! I really hope this makes up for it more than the last one: this chapter is 17pgs long and contains over 6,800 words! Very long! I had to force myself to stop it there, but no worries chapter 6is in the making in will be up VERY soon. I had a lot of mixed fillings while writing this. As you can maybe tell.**

**Little message to all the outcast out there: embrace the fact that you're different and don't see the world like everyone else! Be proud of the fact that you're not one of the just like everybody else there a 100 people just like them crowd. The world wouldn't spin or be interesting if there weren't a few outcasts to make it that way! Embrace your weird and love it because it makes you who you are! Being and outcast is not a bad thing at all! EMBRACE AND BE PROUD OF IT! I know I am…**

**Read review; tell me if it sucked or was awesome. I'm always open to suggestions you might have, I promise to give credit. Oh and I didn't re-read it before I posted it because I want the chapter up now and it's like 2 in the morning so SORRY if there's any spelling mistakes or anything like that.**

**XXEmilyXX**


	6. Chapter 6

**VERY IMPORTANT AUTHERS NOTE!**

Hey guy uh, I just want to start by saying that I am so thankful for all of the support and how many of you guys have favored and followed the story and stuff. It means a lot to me it really does. But here's the thing honestly I fell like it's taken me WAY too long to write this story and it wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't only on chapter five. I thought that this story was going to be different from the ones that I write in my notebook and by different I mean that I thought that I would actually_ finish_ it but obviously I was wrong.

So the reason why its been taking me so long to get to the point in the story that I am now is because when I first started writing it I was inspired by my own filling of sadness, anger, and loneliness. My depression drove me in to writing a story about it and what I wish would've happened to me. (A guy actually liking me) but the thing is. . . I don't fill those things anymore actually that's a lie I do fill sad lonely and angry but not all the time like I used to back in January. -I know a lot of you don't care so you can skip the next paragraph or so-

The reason why I'm not depressed anymore is because right after I posted chapter five things in my live started to get better I mean things are still a big ass mess but it's not as bad as it used to be if that makes scene. First of all I moved out of my mom's house and in with my dad where I plan to stay until I graduate; that alone took a lot of weight off my shoulders. Moving out alone made me stop the cutting and I'm not really sure why it did but I'm thankful for it. After a few more weeks of total drama things slowly started to fall into place. I'm not going into detail but let's just say I am a way happy person then I was a few months ago thanks to my dad and stepmom. Other than the fact that all my friends don't talk to me anymore like the stupid fug-faced bitches they are and the fact that my mom still hates me I'm fine. :/

This is not to say that this story will never be finished its just for right now it's come to an end. I wish I didn't have to do this but I do and I really am sorry for having to do this. Maybe I bit off more than I could chew trying to manage writing a big story for my first one ever maybe I'm just a failure I don't really care either way but I hate to end it this way. Once again I'm sorry and I know your mad just please don't hate on me for it.

At some point there will be a couple random one shots or like little two chapter stories but until then. . .

XXEmilyXX


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